


How Not to Treat Your Little

by NotWhoYouThink131



Series: Little Hamilton [10]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Abusive Relationship, Flashback, James' POV, Little! James, Non-Sexual Age Play, Tags to be added, caregiver! John
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-28
Updated: 2018-01-31
Packaged: 2018-12-21 02:12:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11934168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotWhoYouThink131/pseuds/NotWhoYouThink131
Summary: “Do you mind if I ask you a personal question, James?”“Sure.”“What was JJ like?”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It's about to get kinda dark here, guys.

“Do you mind if I ask you a personal question, James?”

“Sure.”

“What was JJ like?”

James looks at Aaron with raised eyebrows. When Thomas told James that Aaron was coming over for dinner, he didn’t expect to be answering this question as soon as Thomas left to pick up the food. “You really wanna get into this right now?”

“I’m not going to force you to answer that.” Aaron says. “I was only asking because I’m curious. My curiosity can obviously wait until you’re ready.” He shrugs. “Or, if you’re never ready, that’s okay, too.”

James stays quiet for a moment, wondering if he should text Thomas and tell him to hurry up. Does he really want to answer this question alone? On the other hand, does he really want to answer this question with Thomas always butting in with his own bias? Thomas wasn’t really there, he only knows what James let him see at the peak of his desperation. When James decided he needed to get away from JJ, he showed Thomas just how much damage JJ had done, and Thomas took him away with no other questions.

“James?” Aaron gently touches James’ leg. He’s been quiet for a few minutes now,  and Aaron didn’t want to strain him too hard.

“Where should I start?”


	2. Chapter 2

James’ POV

When JJ caught me for the first time, we were in our freshman year of college. We had applied to be each other’s roommates, and the University agreed because they didn’t know we were dating; if they knew, they probably would’ve made us room with someone else to avoid any “homosexual demonstrations” or something. I don’t know, it was a long time ago, colleges in Virginia were weird.

Anyways, JJ told me he was going to be in class until 6 that night, so when he left at 2, I thought I had tons of time to do what I want. I spent about an hour in the dining hall getting some apple juice to put in my sippy cup, but for the most part, I had the rest of the afternoon to be in headspace before JJ would come home. I had early morning classes and he had afternoon classes, so we knew we were giving each other our space to do whatever we wanted.

My “whatever I wanted” just happened to involve a diaper, a sippy cup, and a stuffed animal.

I normally kept my ageplay stuff tucked away in one of my desk drawers under a false bottom, just in case JJ needed to go through my desk for something. When I got back from the dining hall, I started to gather my stuff and changed into my pull-up. At this time, I didn’t really use the pull-ups, I just liked the feel of them against my skin. The padding was always comfortable, especially when I would sit around and watch TV.

The first hour or two wasn’t a big deal. I just sat on my bed in a diaper and T-shirt and watched TV, sipping happily away at my cup, my mind in a fog. I don’t even remember what I was watching, I just know it was something I had enjoyed previously. Something that relaxed me.

It relaxed me so much, in fact, that I fell asleep for about 2 hours. I don’t really remember falling asleep, but I know I must’ve because the next thing I remember is JJ standing over me with such a confused face.

“James?” JJ cocked his head. “What’s this?”

I blinked a few times and sat up. Looking back on it, I should’ve been more scared than I was, but I was still in headspace, so I was just happy to see JJ. “Hi.” I rubbed my eyes as JJ picked up my sippy cup.

“Hi…” JJ held the sippy cup with two fingers away from him, like he didn’t want to touch it. “James, what are you doing?”

“I was watching TV!” I said, smiling at him.

“Yeah, I see that.” JJ said. “But what’s this?” He gestured to the sippy cup, then down to my pull-up. “Why do you have this stuff? Are you supposed to be some little baby or something?”

“Kinda!” I said. “I’m age playing!” At the time, we didn’t have the word Little to describe ourselves, we just used the word Ageplay.

“Age playing?” He repeated it slowly, like it was in another language. I suppose that’s fair.

“Yeah!” I said, clapping my hands “I’m 3!”

“Okay…” JJ looks back down at the sippy cup “So, what? I gotta treat you like you’re three?”

At the time, that was the closest to acceptance I had ever gotten. I was ecstatic to have someone finally understand what I was doing. Without a second thought, I went rambling on and on about everything he’d need to know to be my caregiver, and he listened with a frown on his face. Had I been in my right mindset, I would've realized that each word I said drove a bigger nail into the coffin where our relationship layed, but I was too dumb to realize it at the time.

When I finally finished talking, JJ looked me up and down one final time, his eyes sad and his lips turned down, and said, “So I guess I should get you some food?”

“Yeah!”

“Where were you?” I asked over my happy meal. The chicken nuggets tasted off with the ketchup I got, but I knew JJ meant well in getting it for me.

“What do you mean?”

“I fell asleep until you woke me up at 7:30.” I said. “You get out of class at 6. Where were you?”

“I went with some friends to grab a few drinks.” JJ said.

“Oh.” I frowned. “So you’ve been drinking?”

“I’m not drunk.” JJ said, tossing his trash in the trash can beside the bed. “Takes more than two or three drinks to get me worked up.”

I nodded and kept myself from looking up at him. If he wasn't drunk, that meant he'd remember all this. If he was, it meant he wouldn't.

I’m not sure which one I would’ve preferred. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I know it's been quite a while, but I have great news! I should be back on a regular writing schedule, at least for a little bit, and I'm in the middle of a pretty big writing binge right now, so I hope you're all looking forward to a couple new chapters, because I'll be pumping out a few very shortly.  
> I also want to apologize if there are any weird symbols in the spaces where there's normally quotation marks in the next few chapters, I don't know how to get rid of those since they're not really visible on my end. That's just something that keeps happening when I copy and paste from my Google Drive.  
> Have a wonderful day everyone, and Happy New Year!

When I wasn't in headspace, we pretended everything was normal. JJ never mentioned it, and I avoided bringing it up out of embarrassment; we continued on like we always have. I noticed as the next couple weeks went on, he started staying out later with friends, drinking from the time he got out of class at six until midnight or even later. He'd come home and sleep and I would lay there until I followed him into dreams.

On the few days I was Little, though, it was another thing altogether. He ditched classes to take care of me in the room, and he spent money from each paycheck buying me things like diapers and bottles and even a whole gaggle of stuffed animals. My collection of materials grew until I couldn't keep it hidden in the desk anymore, and it moved to the drawers built-in under my bed, where all my regular clothes were. Those clothes got moved to my desk, and JJ even started to tease me when I would wear them, asking if I was sure I didn't want to be in headspace. "Sure the itty bitty baby doesn't wanna play today~?"� In such a sickeningly sweet tone that I almost laughed.

For weeks, I just blew him off, "Yes I want to be Big, I have class. See you later." And I'd just leave. But one day, I had a pretty high fever and I could barely stand on my own, and JJ just looked at me with a great sense of pity. We both knew today wasn't a day to mock me, as I was very fragile, straddling an unclear line between my headspace and my natural state.

"James, come on over here."� He held his hand out to me and I took it. He pulled me closer to him. "You're taking a sick day. Get some rest."�

"No, please,"� I said. "I can't miss this class."

"James, do you want me to get you some food?â" JJ asked. "I can pick you up some soup from the dining hall."

"No,"� I said, struggling to pull away from him. His grip tightened on my wrist and my legs got weak.

"James, be Little for a while, you need it,"� JJ growls.

I honestly must have blacked out shortly after that, because the next thing I can remember is laying in my bed with some of my stuffies, wearing only a diaper and T-shirt. JJ had turned the TV to my favorite channel and was sitting near my bed, reading a book with a bored look on his face. "You're awake."� He said, not looking up.

"I-I am," I said. I sat up and rubbed my eyes, watching him closely. He had a bottle of some amber-colored alcohol near his chair. "What time is it?"�

"It's 1:30,"� JJ said. He gets up and goes to our mini fridge and pulls out a bowl of soup, popping it in our microwave. "You hungry?"

"Little bit,"� I said softly. I felt a small twitch from my bladder, and I bit my lip. The bathroom for my dorm was in the basement, and I wasn't sure if I could even walk there and back. I had to try, though. "U-Uh, JJ?"

"Yeah?"�

"I-I'll be back, okay?"� I slowly started to rise from my bed, trying to ignore the dizziness flooding my head.

"Whoa, whoa." JJ frowned at me, standing up. "Where are you going, hon?"

"I-I gotta..." I pointed towards the door.

"Baby, the bathroom's too far for you."� JJ shakes his head. "That's why you have a diaper on."

I felt my cheeks start to flush. "I don't use my diapers like that! That's gross!"�

"Well, you're sick, baby,"� JJ said. "You can't keep getting up to go potty, you gotta rest." He gently directed me back to the bed. "Go on and do your thing baby, I'll lay a blankie down to change you."�

"No,"� I said quietly, blushing darker. My face burned at the thought of wetting myself, especially in front of JJ. That wasn't why I used these diapers. They were nothing more than a prop, a piece; they were never meant to actually be used as waste containment. I always had enough sense to get up and use the bathroom like a big boy.

But, I whined and squirmed as my legs became weaker and my bladder started to ache; I really needed to go. I started to feel smaller than I already was as I watched JJ lay down a blanket on the floor and direct his attention to the TV, making sure he wasnâ€™t facing me. With a soft whimper, I slowly began to let out a gentle stream. I felt it start pooling in the diaper, warm around my crotch, and my eyes started to tear up. This was humiliating, wetting myself like a baby. I mean, that was the point of headspace, but I didnâ€™t want it to be like that. That was one of the places I had drawn the line between "Okay" and "Too far".

"Don't cry, sweetheart."� JJ was at my side, wiping away the tears on my face. "You're okay. Just think about how good it feels to let go. Don't it feel good?"� I had to admit, it did. Sure, the diaper was soggy and uncomfortable, but my bladder felt so much better after the trickle died off and I nearly sighed with relief as I nodded. "See? You're okay." He lifted me into his arms and gently laid me down on the blanket. I chewed on the collar of my shirt as he changed me and wiped me clean, securing a clean diaper around my waist. "There we go, James, good as new."� He rubs my stomach and hums. "Ready for your soup?"�

"Yeah!" I clapped my hands, feeling the blood in my face start to disperse into the rest of my body. Now that the moment had passed and it wasn't that embarrassing anymore, the humiliation was replaced with hunger, my stomach growling hollowly as I crawled back into my bed.

****

Over the course of the day, I spent whatever time I wasn't eating soup taking a nap. Throughout the day, I found myself in the middle of several more diaper changes, each one less embarrassing than the last, and soon it seemed pretty natural when JJ laid down my blankie and got my pack of diapers out to change me.

Towards the end of the day, I started feeling better and JJ left to go get me some solid food from the dining hall. While he was gone, I just laid in bed and watched cartoons, chewing on the ear of one of my stuffed animals. JJ took a very long time to come back, and when he did, he had a funny smell. It was a mixture of alcohol and some nasty cologne, and I had to take a few deep breaths to rid myself of the dizziness that accompanied the stench.

"Hi, baby boy~"� JJ cooed at me, setting the Styrofoam box of food on the bed. I opened it, excited to dig in, but frowned when I saw the food in the container was already cold. It wasn't something I liked, anyways. "Sorry Daddy took so long, I ran into a friend and we talked for a while." He reaches down and pats my crotch, probably checking my diaper, and nods when he realizes I'm still dry. "How ya feeling?"�

"Better,"� I say. "I'm feeling better."�

"Good!"� JJ leans down and kisses my head, drowning me in the awful stench again. "Daddy's gonna take a nap, okay?"� Without another word, he flops onto his bed and I hear him snoring after a couple minutes

Realizing I no longer had someone to take care of me, I pulled myself from headspace and began cleaning up the day's mess, tossing the Styrofoam box in the trash can before changing back into my regular clothes.

While I changed, I glanced at JJ and noticed a small purple bruise on his neck. The less Little I got, the angrier I was. I wanted to go over to him and shake him awake, demanding to know what that bruise was. But, as I changed out of an adult-sized pull-up and tried to look for my regular clothes, I realized I better not start trouble with him right now.

Who knows what he would do with the knowledge of my headspace.


	4. Chapter 4

I met Thomas a few months later, in the summer. I had met him before, our fathers were CEOs of two rival businesses, so we actually saw each other a couple times when they'd have meetings and we tagged along, but I had never remembered who he was until I was much older.

That summer, JJ insisted on staying in New York and was highly upset when I told him I wanted to come home and see my family. He made me Little for days at a time just so I'd have to stay with him, but finally I called one of my sisters and she showed up in the middle of the night, whisking me away back home to Virginia.

Once I was there, JJ screamed at me for hours over the phone, telling me that I was going to pay once I got back to New York, telling me that he wouldn't take care of me when I was Little anymore. Whatever point he tried to make, he hadn't made it then. I knew he would later, though. When I went back for the fall semester, I'd pay dearly for what I had done. But I had no regrets yet. It was June, after all.bi had months before I'd see him again.

Meeting Thomas was actually nothing special. Over the summer, my dad made me get a job, and although I enjoyed the family business, being my father's secretary wasn't what I had in mind. I got to schedule all his meetings and cancel most of those said meetings, I got to order him lunch and take messages for him and make coffee for him. I was almost constantly on my feet, racing around the office for anything he needed. When I wasn't on my feet, I was sitting, mumbling into a phone where people could barely hear me. I told my dad it was a mistake to give me a job where I'd have to talk to people, but he insisted this was a wonderful place to start my career.

"Insist" seems to mean a lot to people who have power over me.

One day, my dad had a meeting scheduled with Mr. Jefferson, and he brought Thomas along for who-knows-what reason. They both came in while I was typing away helplessly at the computer, trying to finish a summer project. I hadn't noticed them until Mr. Jefferson cleared his throat loudly, scaring me into looking up at him

"Hello?"� He said, obviously annoyed. I wondered how long he had been waiting. I hadn't noticed them standing there, my mind on autopilot.

"Oh, sorry."� I said. I heard Thomas chuckle at his father's side as I got up and walked briskly to my dad's office, Mr. Jefferson at my side.

Once the two were settled into the office, I walked back to my desk and noticed Thomas sitting in my desk chair, reading my screen. He had wild curly hair and his hands were folded on the desk, his expression blank as his eyes scanned the screen.

"That's mine."� I said, pulling the chair away from the desk. For a split second he looked alarmed, startled by the abrupt movement. But he quickly composed himself, watching me with eyes that contained a hint of stardust.

"I know."� He said. "I was reading it."�

"Well, don't."� I scowled "It's rude."

"Whatever."� Thomas got up and went to a chair near the wall, avoiding all other eye contact with me.

For the next 45 minutes or so we didn't speak, he just played awkwardly with the hems of his sleeves and I typed away at my computer, only making the smallest of progress before deleting everything and starting over. Finally, our fathers emerged from the office, disgruntled and exhausted. Mr. Jefferson snapped his fingers at Thomas as he passed by, just barely getting the boy's attention. Thomas got to his feet and looked back at me, as if I had the answer to some question he hadn't even asked, before leaving.

"How'd it go?" I asked.

"Can you make me some coffee, James?"� Was all my father said before retreating to his office and closing the door.

****

I saw Thomas again about a week later, this time without his father. I saw him get off the elevator and I was bothered by the fact that he was alone. What could he possibly want with this building without his father?

I had been recovering from another cold and was still a little off my game, my headspace just inches below the surface of my mind. I had to push it to the side though, to avoid looking like a fool in front of my father and his clients. I busied myself with sorting the files in a cabinet off to the side of me, first by alphabet, then by class, then-

"Good afternoon, Madison."� Thomas said. He tried to sound professional, but I could hear the sneering sarcasm under his tone.

"Um... Hello, Jefferson."� I raised an eyebrow at him, putting the handful of files down. "Can I help you?"�

"Yeah,"� Thomas said, laying his hands on my desk. "When's your lunch?"�

"Excuse me?:" I didn't even bother looking that surprised, this was a bad example of Jefferson charm and I refused to be a part of whatever he's planning. This had to be some kind of joke, who would want to take me on a date?

"When are you having lunch?"� Thomas elaborated. "I want to talk to you about something."

"No thank you." I said. "Whatever you want, I'm probably not interested."�

"Beats sitting here, though."� Thomas said, gently nudging the files on my desk "Sorting boring shit like this."

I huffed and snatched the files off the desk, putting them back in the cabinet and slamming it. "It's none of your business." I seethed.

"What's got you so upset, Madison?" Thomas chuckled, his fingers gently caressing my cheek. For a split second, the touch caused a reaction, my face flushed and my heart started racing. The sudden wave of blood to my head made me dizzy, and when I finally got a hold of myself, Thomas had come around the desk and was leaning down, looking at me with those same starry eyes.

"Hey.."� He said softly.

"I'm fine."� I choked out, still trying to grasp what just happened. I wasn't sick enough for a single touch to send me into headspace, but there I was, nearly Little, clinging to my last bit of sense by their last helpless straws.

"Breathe."� Thomas commanded me softly. There was no room for discussion, and I soon found myself breathing in time with him. After a moment, the dizziness went away, and I was saved from humiliation. "You okay?"

"Yeah."� I nodded "Sorry, just... I've been sick the last two days, I'm still-"

"You shouldn't be here then."� Thomas said. "You should be home, resting."

"Please,� I snorted. "If I actually went home and rested every time I was sick, I'd never leave my room."�

"No one's that sick."� Thomas said skeptically.

"Try me."� I said. "I only stay home if it's really serious or contagious. A cold is nothing."

"Colds are contagious."� Thomas said.

I paused, blinking at him for a few seconds "Yes, I suppose... They are."� I shook my head "But I'm not sick anymore, I'm just recuperating."�

"Madison."� Thomas said, putting a hand on my shoulder.

"James." I said, shrugging him off. "My name is James."

"Okay, James,"� Thomas said. "Listen to me. In my opinion-"

"Which means nothing to me-"

"-You are still too sick to be here."� Thomas continued as if I said nothing. "What if you get one of your father's clients sick, huh? How many of them have you had contact with today?"�

".....Al-Almost all of them.." I muttered. At the time, I didn't realize how easy I could be played into his hand, and with anxiety like mine, I thought he was right. What if I had made my father's clients sick? Sure, I doubt the business would suffer, but to make that many people sick cause I didn't stay home.. Yikes.

And so, with a little more reluctancy and not enough stubbornness, Thomas drove me home.


End file.
